United States • 23 y/o • MaleReviews Given
To be honest...WOW! This entire series so far was intense to me. It really does reflect on how most people nowadays jump to conclusions. You better continue this series. I am looking forward to more of your stories. Keep up the outstanding work.
This story was absolutely amazing. The plot and overall emotions in the story made it spectacular. To be honest, this story angered me quite a bit. Mostly the fact that this seems highly related to real life. Where guys "love" his significant other specifically for her body. It makes me mad, but those emotions of mine is what made this a great story. The realism within it. Keep up the good work.
This is probably the first story I looked at on this site, and I must say, it was a good choice. I love how realistic you made it seem. Especially because I know someone who, even though is still alive, went through similar obstacles. The reason why I am giving it 4 stars instead of 5 is because, like TheForgotten said, it reminds me a lot of the show 13 Reasons Why. Another reason is because i feel like the ending could have easily been avoided, but at the same time, the ending is also why I enjoyed this so much. Whether that makes sense or not is up to your interpretation, but just know that this story was absolutely magnificent, and it honestly made me cry. I'm not a crier at all. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your stories.
I can see where you're coming from with this story, but there were many flaws. Most notably your grammar and sentence structure. You had way too many run-on sentences and it made it rather difficult to keep track. Other than that, it wasn't bad. Could be better. Good luck with all your writing in the future.
The story was rather good up until the end. What was said about his teacher at the end was very confusing to me. I wasn't all that sure where that fit into the story. I didn't really notice the plot until the girl was getting attacked. Also, your grammar was all over the place. Little tip: when a new person speaks, that is the start of a new paragraph. Capitalize your I in every sentence. Just work on these key elements and I believe you could make a wonderful story. Good luck.
As much as I despise giving other stories a single star, I feel like I have to with this one, and I truly hope you do not take any offense.
The way I see it (and correct me if I am wrong), it appears like you tried to tie in a personal, real-life experience or emotion into this story, which I do not fault you for doing in the slightest; I try to do the same with mine. However, it is very bland. There isn't really a driving plot to it other than "her" wishing for "him" not to leave her side while she sleeps. It, along with many other ordinary ideas, could have potential if it were thought out more. For example, you could have shined light on issues that would make the story more interesting, such as:
Why is she scared of him leaving her?
What makes her think he will let go of her to begin with?
HOW did she build up this "shield" in her heart?
To me, at least, adding these questions and answering them (or leaving them up to interpretation, but the questions still need to have some glimmer of light shown on them) would have made for a slightly more improved story.
Furthermore, the way in which you wrote it confused me quite a bit. When someone speaks, what they say are typically surrounded by quotation marks. Rather than writing , Him-Pink promise!, you should have instead said, "Pinky promise," he answered. It makes it so much easier to read, to me at least.
Overall, the story just lacks a lot, as mentioned prior. Am I saying you are a bad writer? Of course not! Everyone who creates and publishes their works on this site has the ability to become a great story-teller. You just need to work a lot more on it.
I wish you the best of luck on your future works, and I hope to see some improvement!