United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
This story is, of course, utterly brilliant! It is, though, a big ask - at over 11000 words - to sit and read in one go. It is worth it, though! :-) Fabulous work xx
Great story, hon! There are one or two small spelling and grammar errors, but overall - fantastic! xx
Your verbosity at times gets in the way of your story-telling. There are parts of this tale that are tortuous to read due to the sheer number of words you have crammed into a sentence! It is all very well demonstrating your extensive vocabulary... but when it's to the detriment of your work you have gained nothing. I urge you to just TELL YOUR STORY and keep the linguistic gymnastics to a minimum. You will be a much better writer for it.
Clumsy spelling and punctuation errors spoil this a little. However, you write well - with passion and intensity - which is to be applauded. Please take the time to double-check your work before submitting in future :-)
Although your story breaks the 'rules' of writing, understanding what you were trying to achieve with this work makes it permissible to break those rules in this instance. Well done!
This story is not without faults, but overall it works well.
A wonderfully mature and perceptive poem from one so young. Fabulous!
An interesting submission - but take care with your work. It is spoiled a little by your lack of attention to detail. Use your computer's spell-check and thesaurus to avoid unnecessary grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. DO keep writing, though!