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Andy (Formerly Apemann)

apemann is from GB United Kingdom • 63 y/o • Male

Writer, story-teller, reader, dog-lover and humourist!

Reviews Given

Save Me... by Heartaches.13

A nice effort, but take care with your spelling and grammar.

This would have also worked better as shorter paragraphs and the dialogue on separate lines. Something to bear in mind for future works... :-)

Keep up the good work!

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Here's to You by Sam Tyler

A good poem which was, for me, spoiled by the use of unnecessary expletives. The use of such words can be a powerful tool when used sparingly. Three times in five sentences is overkill...

Overall, a nice effort.

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Addiction's a Pain by Sam Tyler

I have read all of your work so far.. and it's pretty depressing!

I understand the need to express oneself through writing. It's often helpful and has proven to be therapeutic.. However, I'm not so sure that posting so much deep personal pain is really the right way to go...

Interestingly, if you turned your mind to more interesting and positive topics, you have the capacity to write very good poems (and perhaps stories as well?). You have a nice way with words and a good manner of expression. I'm sure there is a lighter and more upbeat side to you that is just bursting to be set free.

Go on, give yourself a chance! :-)

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Shadows and Nightmares by SaharaJem

You have some nice ideas in your writing and a good imagination. This does not, though, always come across as successfully as it should do. The main problem is your use of certain words: like many young and novice writers, you pepper your work with 'big' or 'clever' words to try and make your piece sound more 'intellectual', which frequently has the opposite effect.

Write in your own voice, as you would normally speak. There is no need - or benefit to you - in writing in a style that is not naturally you. Also, take care with your spelling and grammar as this spoils your work. Do not use numerals either (see the Submission Guidelines).

There is a budding storyteller in you. Keep writing, keep practicing and take on-board the advice offered to you. I look forward to reading more from you soon :-)

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I Tried by Heartaches.13

The constant repetitive lines and the awkward and clumsy rhymes really spoil this effort. Also, the way you have presented it - in paragraphs instead of more traditional stanzas - jars the eye.

As you said, at least you tried...

I hope you will - individually - submit further works. It will be interesting to read more from you :-)

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Loved One by ceratophrys

I'm really not sure what to make of your poem. Some of your imagery is quite clever and descriptive... but I wonder if it's appropriate in the context you intend it?

I can see that there is a budding poet here; I hope to read more of your work soon :-)

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Who Would Know? by NobodyImportant

I find poems like this a little annoying. Whilst I appreciate that you are expressing yourself I am not so sure it is suitable for 'mass consumption'. I am not ignorant of the effects of depression having been a sufferer for most of my life. However, I never felt the need to harm myself nor to share my pain in such a graphic and public manner.

Is this a good poem? I don't know. Being honest, I don't really care either, which is a pity as you are a good writer and have produced better work than this.

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Life Changing by Kevin Am

First off, the use of numerals in prose is not good practice, as noted in the Submission Guidelines. Please remember for future submissions...

There are some good points to your story but overall, it's all a bit heavy-handed and somewhat stilted. You would have benefitted from showing your story around to friends and family for comments to iron-out some of the 'awkward' parts.

Overall, though, a fair effort. I look forward to reading future submissions :-)

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