Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Some large philosophical questions :-) Nicely written and presented.

The clear problem with your story is the solid block of text. It would have been helpful if you'd broken it into smaller, more 'manageable' paragraphs. Also, take the time to use your computer's spell-check facility as it will pick up mistakes before you submit your work.

Overall, not a bad piece of work. :-)

Hi. Nice to read something new from you :-)

Having read some of your more recent works I can see the improvement in your writing style. Your inexperience when you wrote this shows through with the repetition of words and phrases, especially at the beginning. On the whole, though, it's another of your engaging and action-filled adventure/fantasy stories that keeps one reading right to the end. Good stuff!

Your lack of spell-checking spoils this interesting and creative piece of work. Remember: if YOU don't respect your own work how can you expect other's to? Overall a good piece but please take more care with future submissions...

Your last confusing, incoherent paragraph completely undermines everything you had written before it! Up to that point it was an interesting and engaging story. Perhaps an edit would be a good idea? If you do, please take care with your spelling and punctuation as there are several errors.

Some of your couplets are a little 'forced', but overall this is an interesting poem.

The use of numerals in your story really jars when reading it. It's bad practice...

The story was quite engaging, if a tad 'log-winded' in places: the decision to walk home; entering the woods, for instance. I guess you were trying to build suspense but for me, it doesn't really work.

The 'scary' part of the story is told so quickly and with so little reaction from two very young kids (no screams of fear; no panic, for instance?) undermines the whole story and makes it ultimately unbelievable.

What is evident from your writing is the emergence of a budding storyteller :-) Keep writing, keep practicing and take on board the advice offered and I think you'll tell us all some amazing tales in time

It might have helped the story a little if you'd mentioned how the infection began; whether it was an outbreak of a disease or something along those lines. The idea is actually quite good: it needs a little more 'polish' to make it into a very good story.

Nice effort, though. Well done :-)