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apemann's Profile

Andy (Formerly Apemann)

apemann is from GB United Kingdom • 64 y/o • Male

Writer, story-teller, reader, dog-lover and humourist!

Reviews Given

In God's Name by Nathan M Green

There is something quite soulless about this piece. I read it through twice and found myself somewhat distanced from it; disengaged, even. I think the problem is the 'coldness' in which it is written (understandably given the subject matter) is perhaps too cold and remote. The style does not invite the reader to engage emotionally with the work.

Your writing is usually very entertaining. For me, this one did not work as well as some of your other stories.

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Wings by kkhause

A nice poem spoiled by your poor punctuation. Please take more care: you have some talent as a writer which is being undermined by the sloppiness of your presentation.

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If I Had Known by Erin Milligan

This is a good-ish poem. My issue with it is that the overuse of the "If I had known" line somewhat detracts from the overall poem. I think you could have said as much - and as effectively - if you'd presented your poem in two or three stanzas with the hook line at the beginning of each stanza.

I look forward to reading more from you :-)

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Disappointment by littlemermaid22

This piece is good, but slightly spoiled by its 'wordiness'. Some of your sentences are unnecessarily wordy and over-descriptive:

"We stay up late into the night talking, confiding our secrets in each other, showing our burning desires without flinching while looking into the faces of each other's truths and faults"

This feels as though your are trying to impress readers with your vocabulary, but you don't need to. You are good enough story-teller without having to load every sentence with as many words as you can think of. Sometimes the less you write the better it reads...

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At the Doctor's Room by Mathabo

There are many good things about your story, but it needs some judicious editing to make it more reader-friendly. In its present form it is hard work and filled with a lot of 'waffle' and filler-type information that does little or nothing to enhance or progress the story.

Be careful, also, of over-long paragraphs. Nothing is more disconcerting to your reader than a solid, unbroken block of text to plow through :-) Try and break-up your paragraphs into shorter, 'bite-size' blocks for easier consumption.

Overall a fair effort, but needs work.

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Sad Girls by littlemermaid22

Another interesting story. It has it's faults, but on the whole a good effort.

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A Helping Hand by miller9904

Short, simple, effective. Well done!

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Three minutes by philopop

Interesting piece. You would have been better served using the more usual '...' rather than the double-hyphen to indicate pauses. It would also be more aesthetically pleasing. On the whole, though, not bad at all. :-)

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