Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Whatever message you were trying to get across in this poem completely passed me by. It feels hectoring and 'preachy' and incomplete; rather like you had a partially-formed idea but ran out of steam half-way through.

Your poetry is somewhat esoteric in style and content. That's fine, to an extent, but if you want your talent to be appreciated your work needs to be accessible to a wider audience. I cannot comment on whether your work is good, bad or indifferent. All I CAN do is comment on MY reaction to and feelings about what I have read.

Okay, it's clear that you have a good vocabulary. What is not so clear is the way you have chosen to exercise it in this confusing puzzle of a poem. The line "To regurgitate hidden lusts of beauty" makes no sense whatsoever! I am all for experimental works, but when it reads like nonsense I have to question the 'why' of it's composition?

Your numerous grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors ruin this story. Please use your computer's spell check and thesaurus functions BEFORE submitting future works.

To be perfectly honest this is not one of your better stories. It is far too short to satisfactorily cover the scope of your idea, which gives it a rushed, clumsy feel.

This story was very close to being rejected on the basis of your poor spelling - again!

PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING BEFORE SUBMITTING FUTHER WORK.

You have some good ideas for your stories, but I get the impression you are not too keen on properly developing them. They always feel a little rushed, which is a pity. This is probably why you leave so many spelling mistakes in them.

Take time to re-read your work. Have more faith and confidence in your writing skills and TAKE MORE CARE!

As someone who has been known to pen a haiku or two (!!) I looked forward to reading your poems. I got the feeling that haiku is not something that you are entirely comfortable writing as they all felt a little 'forced' and contrived: little natural flow to your words.

I would, though, like to read more of your work. I look forward to it :-)

The thing that struck me most about this piece was the number of times you mention 'Deviancy RT' (seven). There are other ways of saying the same thing without actually saying EXACTLY the same thing.

Overall, though, the story was far too condensed and maybe a little too rushed to really work as well as you probably hoped. It needs much fleshing-out and reconsidering if you plan to add to it at a later stage.