Andy (Formerly Apemann)

I applaud the fact that you made the effort to attempt something. So many don't even try, so well done for that.

Your poem is not without flaws, the principle one being the somewhat 'forced' couplets. As a general rule of thumb if you have to force the rhyme then the better course of action would be to not use it at all. Also, there appear to be elements of free verse as well as the more structured rhyming couplets, which just does not work. It is far better to stick to one format or the other to avoid confusion. What you have ended-up with is something that has not really worked very well.

Do not be discouraged! You are on a learning curve; to tell you that you are brilliant and wonderful at this juncture would be to do you a grave disservice. You have much to learn. The best ways to do so are to (a) Read more poetry (you can not read too much!) and to KEEP WRITING. Practice makes perfect: the more you write the better at it you'll become. Good luck :-)

Your poem title conflicts with the actual poem: how can you describe something "indescribable"?

Again, as mentioned before, some of your rhymes are forced: "And his cute little chin/Which is smaller than the head of the pin" is simply ridiculous and negates the whole poem. There are other lines, too, that are equally as dubious...

I admire the fact you try. If you take on board the advice you are given your writing will certainly improve. Keep practicing! :-)

An interesting idea that was, unfortunately, poorly executed. Trying to tell such a 'big' story in so few words was always going to be a big ask. You would have been better served, perhaps, by working your story into several chapters or parts, which would have allowed you to expand on your ideas in greater detail.

Again, as with your other work. you ignore the basic rules of writing, which spoils everything you do. This could have been so much better had you taken the time to work on it properly and correcting all of the many errors that are strewn throughout the piece.

Thank you for your story. There is the basis here for a good story, but your rushed approach to your writing and the lack of attention to basic detail (punctuation, spelling, grammar) spoil your work. More care and attention will help you write a better story and also present it in a more acceptable and pleasing manner. The use of capitals is horrible.

There are many issues with your story. You have tried far too hard with it instead of sticking to the basics. All that you are left with is a mishmash of badly conceived and executed ideas. However, everybody has to start somewhere and I would hope that you will continue to write as you will improve the more you do so.

There are a lot of technical problems with your story, but the bottom line is that it is just not very good. There is no obvious plot or action or, indeed, any discernible point to it.

Confused, confusing, incoherent, nonsensical. An utterly mind-boggling experience trying to READ this let alone make sense of it!