Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Unfortunately, due to the sheer weight of punctuation and spelling errors in this piece, I was unable to read it through. It was too annoying!

I get so fed-up with people who cannot be bothered to take a couple of extra minutes to DOUBLE-CHECK their work or run spell-checker BEFORE submitting it. It is laziness, pure and simple.

If YOU do not take your work seriously then why should I or anybody else??

This piece needs a serious edit! I counted the work 'park' FIVE times in the first two paragraphs! That is just plain bad writing I'm afraid. I gave up on your story at that point as it did not seem worthwhile continuing.

Please CHECK your work before submitting it. Get someone to read it and give you honest feedback, but most importantly CARE about it. If you don't, why should anybody else??

Clearly you are not one to take advice as you have previously been told about using numerals in your work...

This piece tries to be clever and inventive but actually ends up being tiresome and repetitive and, to be brutally frank, rather boring. It doesn't really have anything particularly interesting to say which has me wondering what is was you were actually trying to put across?

Sadly this falls in to the category of writing that feels a tad too self-important for its own good to the point that nobody other than the person who wrote it can make head or tail of it... A waste of your talent I'm afraid.

Your few words have no real impact or relevance. I fail to grasp what point you were (presumably) trying to make.

This reads like the whining of a bratty child who cannot get her own way and not what you claim: the true feelings of a teenage girl.

Other's have presented similar works and done a much better job of it. This really is not good.

Rather than submit non-original work, I would much rather read something YOU wrote.

There are a lot of technical problems with your story, but the bottom line is that it is just not very good. There is no obvious plot or action or, indeed, any discernible point to it.

There are many issues with your story. You have tried far too hard with it instead of sticking to the basics. All that you are left with is a mishmash of badly conceived and executed ideas. However, everybody has to start somewhere and I would hope that you will continue to write as you will improve the more you do so.

Your change of name has, regrettably, not led to a change of standard. As (what has become) usual, your story has spelling and grammar inaccuracies as well as being too short to make any sort of sense or impact.

I just do not understand why you will not take - and act on - the advice you are given. You have some really good story ideas, but you are so slapdash when you write that you spoil them completely. You do not do yourself justice by submitting such sub-standard work when it is clear you are capable of much better IF you put in the effort...