Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Another disjointed, mishmash of a story. Your poor spelling and inappropriate use of certain words ruin much of your work and this is a prime example. This is just not a very good piece of writing.

Another slap-dash effort full of spelling mistakes.

Thank you for your story. There is the basis here for a good story, but your rushed approach to your writing and the lack of attention to basic detail (punctuation, spelling, grammar) spoil your work. More care and attention will help you write a better story and also present it in a more acceptable and pleasing manner. The use of capitals is horrible.

Again, as with your other work. you ignore the basic rules of writing, which spoils everything you do. This could have been so much better had you taken the time to work on it properly and correcting all of the many errors that are strewn throughout the piece.

An interesting idea that was, unfortunately, poorly executed. Trying to tell such a 'big' story in so few words was always going to be a big ask. You would have been better served, perhaps, by working your story into several chapters or parts, which would have allowed you to expand on your ideas in greater detail.