YET another of your 'nothing' contributions. There is nothing about this poem that says anything about anything. Add in the forced rhymes and it's probably the worst thing of your I have read.
If ever there was an example of using words and phrases for effect, this is it:
"careful not to disrupt the silence"
"my mind racing with the all information the frames could be holding"
"my heart beating harshly against its cage of ribs. My stomach hurt and boiled with the effort to stay upright."
"I fell to the ground, landing with a forever sounding thump"
I'm sorry, but this sort of writing is just plain bad. You are trying far too hard to be 'clever' that you are making yourself look silly. Just write how you think and speak, not how you think you OUGHT to write. You can write - and have written - better than this wasted effort.
Really? I can make no sense of these few lines at all. Am I missing something?
Very strange... :-)
As usual and, sadly, as I have now come to expect from your work, it's littered with grammatical and spelling errors. And, yet again, it's a nothing 'story'.
I just do not understand why you keep writing essentially the same thing over and over again. Not one of your stories is a story in the truest sense of the word. A REAL story has a beginning, a middle and end. Yours don't.
It seems to me you sit in front of your computer and write pretty much anything that comes into your head, whether it makes an iota of sense or not. What is blatantly clear is that you put very little thought or effort into what you submit, given that you make the same mistakes time after time. What's also clear is that you lap up all the praise and ignore the helpful advice given to you. That is to your eternal detriment. You will NEVER improve your writing if you carry on the way you are.
You have the capacity to be a good writer. Unfortunately your innate laziness will ensure that you remain strictly mediocre.
Confused, confusing, incoherent, nonsensical. An utterly mind-boggling experience trying to READ this let alone make sense of it!
Too big a subject crammed into too few words makes this all rather nonsensical. The idea sounded fun, but you have failed to deliver I'm afraid.
There are also numerous problems with the layout of your story. I suggest that you revisit the Submission Guidelines and take them on board...
Unfortunately, due to the sheer weight of punctuation and spelling errors in this piece, I was unable to read it through. It was too annoying!
I get so fed-up with people who cannot be bothered to take a couple of extra minutes to DOUBLE-CHECK their work or run spell-checker BEFORE submitting it. It is laziness, pure and simple.
If YOU do not take your work seriously then why should I or anybody else??
This piece needs a serious edit! I counted the work 'park' FIVE times in the first two paragraphs! That is just plain bad writing I'm afraid. I gave up on your story at that point as it did not seem worthwhile continuing.
Please CHECK your work before submitting it. Get someone to read it and give you honest feedback, but most importantly CARE about it. If you don't, why should anybody else??