Andy (Formerly Apemann)

As good as this is, we have seen far too many similar works on the site to make this stand out from a (now rather large) crowd. I would very much like to see you turn your talent to other subjects...

Nicely done, cleverly covering all those unspoken fears we all suffer with from time to time.

A good story well told. However, I found your introduction to the story annoying: I do not like to be told how I will feel before I have even begun to read a story. Please read my piece 'How to Write a Teaser'. You might find it helpful and informative...

As a stand-alone poem this works very well. Regrettably I don't know the work 'Pledge' so cannot relate your poem to it. Chances are that I am not the only person who reads your poem who will have the same problem. It is one of the drawbacks when tying-in your work with something that YOU are familiar with. However, in saying all that, the poem has power and impact, which is to your credit.

You story is well told - but your clumsiness with punctuation spoils your work. Take more time and care to CHECK your work before submitting it. I would also advise that you read again our submission guidelines as there are several instances in your story where they have not been followed... You are talented young writer: if you take more care and pay more attention to what you are doing you will be a very good writer one day.

It always a difficult ask to comment on someone else's religion-themed work. Leaving the theme aside, though, and concentrating on the form of your work is much easier! You have a slightly (if you'll excuse the unintentional pun) 'preachy' way of writing that is slightly off-putting. Whilst I appreciate your good intentions with you poem it left me irritated rather than pleased. I fear that other may also feel the same way, especially non-believers.

An interesting story idea. The first part of the story goes on a little too long to maintain reader interest... Personally, I am not sure that I would have put it at the beginning. Looking at the rest of the story I would have started it with the first three paragraphs after the dialogue opening, then inserted then exchange between Tom and his wife. Just an opinion, of course.

Take care with your grammar and punctuation: there are several instances of the incorrect word being used ('spend' for 'spent', for instance).

I hope we'll see more from you soon :-)

An interesting concept which has been executed quite well. I am disappointed, though, that you failed to follow our submission guidelines with regard to numerals (see point three). Overall a creditable effort. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. :-)