United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Nice work. I hope you'll submit more of your work.
A nice poem spoiled by your poor punctuation. Please take more care: you have some talent as a writer which is being undermined by the sloppiness of your presentation.
This piece is good, but slightly spoiled by its 'wordiness'. Some of your sentences are unnecessarily wordy and over-descriptive:
"We stay up late into the night talking, confiding our secrets in each other, showing our burning desires without flinching while looking into the faces of each other's truths and faults"
This feels as though your are trying to impress readers with your vocabulary, but you don't need to. You are good enough story-teller without having to load every sentence with as many words as you can think of. Sometimes the less you write the better it reads...
Another interesting story. It has it's faults, but on the whole a good effort.
Nice writing. The story has a good flow to it after a slightly unsteady start. Hopefully we'll get to read more about these young characters :-)
To be perfectly honest this is not one of your better stories. It is far too short to satisfactorily cover the scope of your idea, which gives it a rushed, clumsy feel.
Short, simple, effective. Well done!
Interesting piece. You would have been better served using the more usual '...' rather than the double-hyphen to indicate pauses. It would also be more aesthetically pleasing. On the whole, though, not bad at all. :-)