United States • 21 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
This is kind of intriguing. Keep going, by all means.
Hmm, this gets interesting as it goes.
For a twelve-year old writer, this is quite a mature storytelling.
Keep it up, Auron
Well! that was very intensely written I have crept inside the words. You brought them to life thanks
Mind-blowing descriptions.
I found the semi-religious undertone to this story somewhat off-putting, especially the 'preachy' last three paragraphs. They were annoying and unnecessary.
Overall, though, a nicely thought-through story told quite well. A creditable effort!
A very creditable first effort in the micro-fiction genre.
Be wary of being 'too clever', though: why you could not have used the word 'shirt' instead of 'maillot' is beyond me... Remember, you want to engage your readers, not alienate them :-)
Overall, a good start. Well done!
