United States • 21 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
I found the semi-religious undertone to this story somewhat off-putting, especially the 'preachy' last three paragraphs. They were annoying and unnecessary.
Overall, though, a nicely thought-through story told quite well. A creditable effort!
this is a very good story
This is kind of intriguing. Keep going, by all means.
Hmm, this gets interesting as it goes.
For a twelve-year old writer, this is quite a mature storytelling.
Keep it up, Auron
A very creditable first effort in the micro-fiction genre.
Be wary of being 'too clever', though: why you could not have used the word 'shirt' instead of 'maillot' is beyond me... Remember, you want to engage your readers, not alienate them :-)
Overall, a good start. Well done!
Very well written piece. You have a promising future as a writer. Keep it up!
It was a really amazing story; I loved the theme. I heart how suspense takes over at the last. The end of this chapter leaves the readers wondering what'd be happening next.
Overall, nice effort. But, it had some inconsistencies.
Wow! Really good! I love the way you used words that made he setting feel even more suspisious or scary, and you took us into the mind of the wolf cub.
The problem I found was that there was a strange gap between when he cub was sleeping to when he saw his dead sister. How did that happen? Where was the fried or misery?
Doing great! Keep it up!!