United States • 19 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
You're building suspense well, and I like the detail about her makeup running. There are a few spelling mistakes, 'her' when I think you meant 'here', but keep practising and you'll get better.
I know I'm not your 'lover', but I gotta say something.
"I don't do drugs, but I'm addicted to you." reminds me of the song "Addicted" by Le Mans. Total 80s Hard Rock. Except their song is more... sexualized.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhaLh1CGFPw
you are not a disappointment
I think it was pretty cool... but I felt like u wanna end the story somehow that's why u started this thing and then the crash and then she died.
I was thinking about her journal and her dad... I can't imagine losing his wife and daughter... I think you should have done something else. I mean... I am not offensive or saying that it is bad and what the hell?? But I am just telling u my opinion.
I hope u understand me! I am kinda blunt but please, understand me!
Sending u love and light!
XOXO,
Sansid
I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.
As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.
I like this but I wishing for a happy ending.
this is good, but you might want to consider an editor! i can see a pattern of grammatical errors, and that's okay! writing takes a lot of work.
~ oddy
Agreed IanG.... she is definitely making suspense.... I like when u mentioned that he wasn't a human...
I started thinking about it and I think that he should I guess be a spirit of her mom who has changed her appearance but then...
Xoxo,
Sansid