United States • 19 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
is this for dakota
The opening is good, it draws the reader in. The basic premise is promising.
You made a few mistakes with punctuation, there should be more commas and capital letters in some places. 'Its all right Emma, I'll come and get you' is one example; comma after Emma. One or two names start with lower case letters. Deal with that and this will be better still.
I like this but I wishing for a happy ending.
You're building suspense well, and I like the detail about her makeup running. There are a few spelling mistakes, 'her' when I think you meant 'here', but keep practising and you'll get better.
The opening was really cool... it actually draw my attention. I love the story and there meeting and stuff. I feel that u should write in more description that will make it more interesting and it will definitely draws more attention.
It creates a scene in the reader's mind.
Yes, I agree with @IanG... punctuation was an issue and there were some spelling mistakes also.
Overall, I have to say, you are great, dude! Keep it up!
XOXO,
Sansid
Agreed IanG.... she is definitely making suspense.... I like when u mentioned that he wasn't a human...
I started thinking about it and I think that he should I guess be a spirit of her mom who has changed her appearance but then...
Xoxo,
Sansid
this is good, but you might want to consider an editor! i can see a pattern of grammatical errors, and that's okay! writing takes a lot of work.
~ oddy
I think it was pretty cool... but I felt like u wanna end the story somehow that's why u started this thing and then the crash and then she died.
I was thinking about her journal and her dad... I can't imagine losing his wife and daughter... I think you should have done something else. I mean... I am not offensive or saying that it is bad and what the hell?? But I am just telling u my opinion.
I hope u understand me! I am kinda blunt but please, understand me!
Sending u love and light!
XOXO,
Sansid