United States • 19 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.
As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.
The opening was really cool... it actually draw my attention. I love the story and there meeting and stuff. I feel that u should write in more description that will make it more interesting and it will definitely draws more attention.
It creates a scene in the reader's mind.
Yes, I agree with @IanG... punctuation was an issue and there were some spelling mistakes also.
Overall, I have to say, you are great, dude! Keep it up!
XOXO,
Sansid
Agreed IanG.... she is definitely making suspense.... I like when u mentioned that he wasn't a human...
I started thinking about it and I think that he should I guess be a spirit of her mom who has changed her appearance but then...
Xoxo,
Sansid
Awww....
That was soo cute and sweet!!
I loved it!
XOXO,
Sansid
This is sooo beautiful! I loved it....
That is sooo pure and true!
Gr8 usage of words for a poem... Loved it!
I think it was pretty cool... but I felt like u wanna end the story somehow that's why u started this thing and then the crash and then she died.
I was thinking about her journal and her dad... I can't imagine losing his wife and daughter... I think you should have done something else. I mean... I am not offensive or saying that it is bad and what the hell?? But I am just telling u my opinion.
I hope u understand me! I am kinda blunt but please, understand me!
Sending u love and light!
XOXO,
Sansid
