United Kingdom • 21 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Please take this as constructive criticism, as this is good for such a young writer.
Why does he ask "did someone live here twenty years ago?" He would more likely say "who lived here before us?" He must know they didn't build the house themselves, and if not then obviously someone lived there before them. The question is who were they? Mum could say in reply exactly when the last occupants left.
I really don't know how to critique poetry...
Work one your grammar and be sure you had some suspense . But it is pretty good.
This was a great setup for the reader to receive the emotion when reading.
One thing that could be done is by having "You know my favourite song and I know yours" towards the beginning. When I read it, I felt drawn away from the progression of the whole idea or meaning behind this. Overall quality though was amazing.
Really appreciate the way you express, in such a simple way, the things we teenagers usually go through
I really relate to this. I love it. One thing that might be better is if instead of "I then say I'm sorry" it says "you listen as I say I'm sorry" because I feel like most of this poem is directed to "you". Most lines start with "you" and so on and so forth. So continuing with that seems more natural.
Still, I love the emotions behind this.
