United States • 21 y/o • MaleReviews Given
It's a nice sequel. But there was one problem that bugged me a lot. I have told this to lots of people, and I hope it's good advice for you.
When writing your story, you should paragraph when people talk. For example:
Instead of:
"Hi Bob!" said Joe. "Hello, Joe," Bob said.
It would be:
"Hi Bob!" said Joe.
"Hello, Joe," Bob said.
This makes it a lot clearer on who is speaking, and easier to read.
I'M DYING!!! I NEED MORE!!!
This is amazing. I Can't wait for more!
Wow, that was good. You're making me Hungry!
Good story! But you are missing some important details. For example: Does Gorigor ever have to eat? You never mention it.
If I remember correctly, I'm a son of Hephaestus.
FIRE POWER!!!
Good story, it could have ended badly.
You did really good on these, my favorite is probably the one about darkness.