United States • 23 y/o • MaleReviews Given
The farther you go with this the more I want to know. Your story is an interesting one and not something you see written out like this. However, the way this was written feels off. It might be due to how the lines broke and I'm fairly certain there is missing punctuation. It was a little hard to read.
The content was good just needed a little editing I feel.
Please keep writing!
I'm at a loss for words.
The way you phrased things makes it sound like English isn't your native language. It's kind of choppy, but if you can get over that, it actually makes it fun to read. This might just be me.
I enjoyed reading this. You could probably work on how you phrase things to make it sound more natural, but I kind of enjoy it as is.
I look forward to seeing the next part of this story.
This was well written and I kind of have to ask
Did this happen to you? Its hard to tell over text if such a thing did or didn't and it does affect the impact of the reading some,well might just be me.
Its great the story not the depression or loss for that matter. Yeah I get your feeling on depression and the whole thing flows nicely.
Well I have to ask: Has this happened to you?
It was well written and flows well. If I were to change anything it would probably be to break it up some,although thats me and its a minor thing.Great Job!
As grim as that message is its the truth. Those who do good always seem to end up with a shorter life. It was well written.
Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for. This is well written possibly a few minor things here and there to change and you get the point across that you're lost and broken. Good job.
Slightly off topic note:
Your author note wasn't needed. If you were going to simply erase it you wouldn't have submitted it in the first place.
1 great story
2 have you had depression? theres enough reason to think so...
3 what is up with VHQNKHOY? those keys are not close enough to be random.
enjoyed the story though keep writing