IanG

A well written and only too plausible story. We all need support from time to time but we don't always get it.

You're entitled to say we still don't have an ideal world without being stigmatised for it.

I'm glad they took in the cat, they did right there.

I like the way you fuse the everyday with the sci-fi. Even in outer space daughters can be irritated by over-protective mothers. Her inner conflict over answering the call is believable and you wrote a good cliffhanger.

I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.

As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.

There is more awareness now than there used to be of adolescent mental health issues. Perhaps that will result in young people getting more support. Hold onto that hope.

You build tension well and your narrator's feelings are believable. Perhaps you could use this as a basis for a longer story. If not its a good short piece.

You're building suspense well, and I like the detail about her makeup running. There are a few spelling mistakes, 'her' when I think you meant 'here', but keep practising and you'll get better.