IanG

Draco's feelings in this piece are very convincing. It fits well with the original stories. I recall that at the very end of 'Deathly Hallows' Harry glimpses Draco at the station, but while they're not friendly they don't show fear of each other. That being so the bit about him trying to reform fits too.

You've done a good job of evoking the atmosphere in that kitchen. You used the crossings out well too.

In my country, the United Kingdom, crash helmets for motorcyclists have been compulsory for decades. Then again laws in other countries may be different. If the scenario won't work today could you set it in the past? Countries that make helmets compulsory now may not always have done so. The twist would then be a good one.

I'd say you're off to a good start. I'd have cut 'forever' from the description of the fireflies. All you need is 'reminder' and their flashes don't last forever. Even so, you made me wonder what the boy was doing out there when he should've been indoors, and your other descriptions are good. its worth carrying on with it.

This is an interesting, well written piece. Thanks for sharing it.

The opening is poetic and the dialogue is plausible. Well done. Perhaps you could've spread the descriptions more evenly through the story but that's a minor quibble. Congratulations on your 50,000 hits.

Cowardly prey is perhaps imposing human standards on animals. If you're under attack from something much better armed then flight is a sensible response. Even so, I agree with the sentiments you express here. Keep it up.

The 'Cathartics' jibe is witty and the pedantic narrator rings true. I would never get published by someone like that, but neither would most writers.