IanG

I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.

As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.

The twist is good and took me by surprise. Just one thing, a twist needs to be prepared for without giving too much away. If your narrator says, while making up, that she seldom gets a chance to relax or have fun it implies that she has a tough job. If as you imply she goes undercover in dangerous situations, it anticipates the twist but holds some information back. Keep it up.

Your protagonist isn't the first person to want to save or reform someone they love. Its a common theme in stories and it can happen in real life. The would be saviour doesn't always succeed but it shows a good heart if they're trying. They need to be careful not to get dragged down by whoever they want to save, but its an interesting subject for a story,

You wrote 'lung' when I think you meant 'lungs' plural but this is still a vivid, hard hitting piece. Well done.

Well said, and good to see it coming from a teenager.

You describe the scene well. Sitting by watet can indeed be very relaxing.

If you're saying we sometimes put too much pressure on people until even the best can't measure up, I think you are right and its getting worse.

The title grabs attention. I assume the dialogue is between a mother and child. Children sometimes have bizzare ideas and vivid imaginations, if you were aiming to convey that you did so well.