IanG

A lighthearted but interesting idea. This should go down well with youngsters at Christmas.

Being self-critical is usually good, it spurs us on to do the best we can. The trouble is society and peer group pressure can set impossibly high expectations, and that can lead to mental health issues. Going too far one way or another is easy, but it isn't always easy to strike a balance between trying too hard and giving up.

You describe the setting very well and the banter reads plausible. If you develop it further, show how distraught your protagonists family are at her disappearence. That adds emotional richness and credibilitu.

There's a lot of truth in this.

I'd say you're off to a good start. I'd have cut 'forever' from the description of the fireflies. All you need is 'reminder' and their flashes don't last forever. Even so, you made me wonder what the boy was doing out there when he should've been indoors, and your other descriptions are good. its worth carrying on with it.

The introduction is believable and relatable. I might've put 'what kind of tat they've got me this year, not 'what kind of chaos.' It feels more appropriate for inanimate objects. Othetwise its well written.

As to the wierd developments, much depends on what's coming next before we can judge those. It should encourage fans of fantasy to read on.

'As the would was being nice' should read 'as the world was being nice.'
'I got unconscious' should read 'I fell unconscious.'

Even so, you wrote some good descriptions. I like the line about dancing dolphins. Keep it up and you'll get past mistakes like those above.

I hope this isn't your experience in real life. If so then don't go too far the other way as being too thin damages your health. If you went to a doctor they would have to keep anything you told them a secret. You won't be alone, a lot of people worry about their weight and appearence.

If its not your experience then hopefully it will make people think about an important issue. Either way you do right in putting this online.