IanG

Interesting account of how people view animals in different ways. We often impose our prejudices on many species, but we're not always right and it won't change the creatures in question. Both rats and snakes do what they must to survive in what can be harsh environments.

If social media had existed back then, Jesus and the Apostles probably would've used it. So too would Socrates, the Buddha and Confucius had it been available to them. People wrote propaganda and biased accounts long before the first computer or the first smartphone.

You have an interesting premise but the story needs more working on. If you broke it up into paragraphs then it would be easier to read. Then again, paragraphs can merge by mistake when you put a story online, its happened to me.

You raise some important issues regarding peer group pressure and prejudice. Keep practising and you'll improve.

Try writing 'he was proud that I'd been promoted to Principle' or something like that. Her partner already knows she's been promoted and where she works, he probably wouldn't state the obvious. In films and T.V. characters sometimes spell out what they must already know, for the viewer's benefit. In a story you don't need to, you can say that with an inner monologue or, in a first person narration, narrator addressing reader directly.

Not 'too' far away rather than 'not to far away.'

'Blood was seeping into the snow' rather than 'blood was fading into the snow.' It would trickle down rather than turn pale.

Had you described the man flailing trying to retrieve his lost knife before striking back, then the action would've flowed better. You're descriptions of the fight are tense and fast moving, but bear in mind what I've written and you're writing will improve.

The opening is good, it draws the reader in. The basic premise is promising.

You made a few mistakes with punctuation, there should be more commas and capital letters in some places. 'Its all right Emma, I'll come and get you' is one example; comma after Emma. One or two names start with lower case letters. Deal with that and this will be better still.

You have an interesting premise, but need a longer piece to develop it further. If Rose is in love with Billy she should make more effort to get him back. Does she go to his house only to find he's moved and didn't tell her? Does Billy have a relative or a friend who thinks less well of her and obstructs her? Later on, does Billy's wife or child take against Rose? That would make for a more spirited character and more emotional complexity.

Could you say the previous killings happened in a different town but the same county? That way its more plausible that Victoria would go jogging alone. Also, if you add that her cat came from a rescue centre that indicates that she's kind and so gives us a reason to root for her. It makes her a little more active.

I wrote a story on a similar theme and put it on this site. Its on page 9 now. Perhaps reading someone else's take on it would help.