IanG

'As the would was being nice' should read 'as the world was being nice.'
'I got unconscious' should read 'I fell unconscious.'

Even so, you wrote some good descriptions. I like the line about dancing dolphins. Keep it up and you'll get past mistakes like those above.

I hope this isn't your experience in real life. If so then don't go too far the other way as being too thin damages your health. If you went to a doctor they would have to keep anything you told them a secret. You won't be alone, a lot of people worry about their weight and appearence.

If its not your experience then hopefully it will make people think about an important issue. Either way you do right in putting this online.

A well written piece with a touch of mystery about the heroine.

This is a moving and thoughtful piece, I enjoyed it. It didn't need to be scary.

I'd have written 'a huge smile that showed his front teeth were missing,' it feels more fluent.

The opening lines are good, they create tension and raise questions of who this man is and how he comes to be brawling. His relationship with his brother is plausible and you convey it well.

People can be affected in the way you evoke here. The thing is people don't always show us everything about themselves. Someone can present a perfect image of themselves, at school, work or on social media and have issues or setbacks they don't talk about. Don't think you're alone in failing to measure up.

I enjoyed this story. It soon became clear how it would end, but you evoke the narrator and the animals very well. Most pet owners will relate to it.

This is a vivid evocation of a more innocent time. A lot of mature people will relate to it. Well done.