United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
This is nostalgic, plausible and, I suspect, angry under the surface. Similar scenarios are playing out all over the world, including my native U.K. Well done.
No one I know is perfect we all have human flaws. If there's a God he must know that. No one has all the answers, so its no shame if you havn't.
The glass metephore is a good one.
Ahmed could ask who took his blanket. He need not be annoyed but only curious. If someone else was cold in the night it would be natural to ask who that was, if not in anger then with concern.
If he confronts an obstical or two when fleeing the ghost it raises the tension. If his horse stumbles or slips that would add to the excitement. You could have them recover quickly and race on. If he panics and so gets lost while escaping, again there's more tension. His friends could come and find him.
Keep practising at your writing.
This is a good summing up of true fridndship.
I like your descriptions and your treatment of a difficult subject. Not everyone will agree with the parent's beliefs but many would relate to their situation.
I suspected that girl in a coma and girl on the balcony were the same before the big reveal but your writing shows promise.
I think you're right, that's how they would be treated. It shouldn't be like that but it is.
Overall this is an evocative piece and you're right about nature having two sides. Regarding the beetles I'd have written 'not imprezsed' rather than 'not intimidated.' If they're fleeing thete's no question of them trying to intimidatd. Othetwise its a fine piece of writing.