IanG

I lke the metaphore of the fist and the whole poem is evocative. Good work.

You sum up the Earl beautifully with just a few words. Well done.

My mother died five years ago and it upset me very much. I was lucky because I had good friends to help me. I get the impression you're more isolated than I was. I had bad times before mum died but things improved. Its possible for things to change in your favour even when it serms impossible. Nothing can bring our parents back but we can learn to cope in spite of the pain. I still miss her but the support of my friends helped me through the darkest time. I hope this helps.

The part about the cheif and his morning coffee was funny.

A lighthearted but interesting idea. This should go down well with youngsters at Christmas.

You describe the setting very well and the banter reads plausible. If you develop it further, show how distraught your protagonists family are at her disappearence. That adds emotional richness and credibilitu.

The introduction is believable and relatable. I might've put 'what kind of tat they've got me this year, not 'what kind of chaos.' It feels more appropriate for inanimate objects. Othetwise its well written.

As to the wierd developments, much depends on what's coming next before we can judge those. It should encourage fans of fantasy to read on.

I hope this isn't your experience in real life. If so then don't go too far the other way as being too thin damages your health. If you went to a doctor they would have to keep anything you told them a secret. You won't be alone, a lot of people worry about their weight and appearence.

If its not your experience then hopefully it will make people think about an important issue. Either way you do right in putting this online.