United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
There are some things we can control and others we can't. It may sound obvious, but we don't always identify what we can and can't control correctly. You may think that something is out of your hands, then find a way to influence events. Some people think they can solve anything and then find out they can't. Even adults sometimes misjudge situations. The main thing is to forgive yourself for mistakes and, if possible, do something to make amends or at least learn from said mistakes. We may never be perfect but we can get better.
You have a great talent for vivid descriptions, and for telling exciting, interesting stories. I hope you publish more here.
If you broke it up into paragraphs it would be easier to follow. Some sentences, such as the final one, could be broken down into shorter ones. That said, formatting can be lost when publishing a story online. It happened to the latest one I published here, but I've edited and corrected that now.
This is a vivid and plausible evocation of a build up to disaster, also of a man torn between two cultures. Well done.
As a walker I can relate to this. Only yesterday I tried a path that was new to me. Perhaps I should think more about the people who went this way before me.
Interesting account of how people view animals in different ways. We often impose our prejudices on many species, but we're not always right and it won't change the creatures in question. Both rats and snakes do what they must to survive in what can be harsh environments.
Perhaps you could say 'at first he didn't realise the door was ajar,' as he clearly does realise eventually. Nonetheless its good for a first attempt. Your protagonist and his feelings are totally convincing.
If social media had existed back then, Jesus and the Apostles probably would've used it. So too would Socrates, the Buddha and Confucius had it been available to them. People wrote propaganda and biased accounts long before the first computer or the first smartphone.