United Kingdom • 25 y/o • MaleReviews Received
I honestly don't think it's an overused subject.... but, whatever. Really, it's about what 20% of early deaths are coming from these days.
I loved the descriptive language and think that this was one of your best. Thanks!!
I think it was great! There were a few punctuation places missed, but I don't think it degraded much. The story was beautiful, and reminded me of the move "Up."
It was my favorite growing up. Anywho, thanks! Hope to hear more from you!
This love story is literally better than twilight! All though I would have liked to know more about her back story and maybe more details. But this is so cute!!!
Oh dear, this could have been SO much better.
What you have presented is a 500-word outline of a much longer story. You have tried to cram a long story into a short one and, unfortunately, it just hasn't worked. There is no plot to speak of, no characterisation and no action of any description. It reads like an idea for a story that you've rushed to jot down before you forgot it. It certainly does not read like something you have put a great deal of thought or effort into...
You say that this is something of a departure from what you'd normally write. I would be most interested in reading your 'normal' output :-)
Do you take all of this advice yourself? If not what don't you use in your life?
I liked your idea that "Life is not as complex as you may think" and I liked that line. Was a pretty good and intriguing message. I also liked your line "Don't grow old regretting your life, grow old roaming free."
I'm going to semi agree but also disagree with the other commenter. Most stories have already been told in some form or fashion, so it's hard to create original material. Most of the time we are just telling our on version of a similar story. Not that we necessarily base our stories off of it, but every story has a close cousin. As a writer, you need to make sure you use correct English, syntax, subject verb agreement, etc. I find some of your writing distracting due to errors. Your character had a little voice, which is great! I find it by him addressing the pile of mail and such, which works well. It seems like he is describing it and not you writing about it, so good job! I know as a writer, it is hard to post your work, but I like constructive criticism, so I give it. Keep writing, good luck!
Yet another tiresome ten suicide story, albeit told in slightly different manner.
As such, though, it's not a bad story. There are faults with it, but nothing too serious. I only wish you had turned your skills to a more entertaining and original theme than this boring and overdone one!
One last thought: do YOU really believe that this story is suitable for kids as young as twelve years old? I suggest that you change the age category to at least 15+