United States • 85 y/o • MaleReviews Given
I was unable to review this story properly for several reasons. First, the formatting of the copy is not correct. Sentences break in strange places. I wasn't sure where paragraphs began and ended. The problem could be in the submitting process to 101. If you use Word, you have to dump the data in one of the assigned tabs at the top of the submission form.
There should be a lead-in paragraph identifying the characters. There are names but I didn't know who they were or what their relationship was with each other. 'She' and 'We' are used often but I wasn't sure who they were.
Overall, there appears to be an interesting story from an unusual point of view - the rats. The narrative voice is strong. The setting could use more detail to give the reader a firm perspective of where the tale was taking place.
The characters need more definition. The pace of the story was good. The imagination of the author is excellent.
This story is worth a rewrite and additional attention to detail to bring it into the full flower is deserves.
Ciao, JT
This story has all the elements of an interesting tale. However, it appears more of an outline than a finished story. Misspelled words and lack of punctuation substantiate that conclusion.
I would highly recommend that the author of this piece read it aloud or have it read to them in order to obtain an overall idea of what needs to be done to bring this tale up to a readable level it so richly deserves.
The author has a talent for story telling and should exercise that talent in order to develop it to its fullest capabilities.
Ciao
JT
This is an interesting tale. The characters are authentic and engaging. Their thoughts and feelings make them real. I found myself caring about what happened to them.
The story retained my interest as it progressed. The writing is readable, the vocabulary being varied. The style of expression captures the character perfectly. The author's descriptive ability is evident in the vivid and strong settings evoking mood and atmosphere.
The pace is a little uneven. I would suggest the author read this story out loud or have it read by a friend. This will bring those areas that need work to the author's attention.
This is a good story and with editing and rewriting it will give this jewel the sparkle it deserves.
When I saw the word GHOST in the title, I thought something scary was about to happen. But, of course, that is not what this tale is about. It's a visitation from those who have stepped back through the veil to comfort those who remain on this plane of existence.
It is not an unlikely event and should be cherished for its intent. The story was told in a simple matter-of-fact manner which added to it's charm.
i would suggest the author read the tale aloud or have someone read it for them. This will highlight a few areas that require the writer's attention.
Other than that, the voice of the narrator perfectly captures the character of this piece. The pace of the story is very good. The structure needs a little attention - reading the story aloud will assist in polishing that aspect.
The writing is fluent and readable. Images are quite plausible Observations and descriptions are effortless and create a vivid setting, evoking mood and atmosphere.
This is a very pleasant and charming piece of writing.
Ciao
JT
WOW - for fifteen years old, this author does and amazing job. The story feels utterly plausible. The writing is fluent and readable. The vocabulary is varied and appropriate. The style of expression perfectly captures the narrator's tone. This author is a good storyteller and should do well if they pursue a writing career.
The structure of this piece is not quite what it should be. The author needs to read this piece aloud or have it read. Those areas that need attention will show up. There are too may words that run together and need to be spaced properly. Proofing is the bane of a writer's life but it is something that needs to be acquired for success. I'm giving this piece 3 stars. It deserves 4 except for the housecleaning that needs to be done. Good job - keep writing, Ciao, JT
The only outstanding aspects of this piece are the author's vivid imagination in telling this story and his effortless ability in creating strong settings thus evoking mood and atmosphere. I felt as if I were there witnessing this tale unfold. The style of this author's expression perfectly captures the tone of this story.
In the beginning of this tale I had difficulty in figuring out the connection between the various characters which required a second reading for clarification. Clarification with more detail will assist the reading in recognizing and sailing through this part of the tale.
I did find the lack of paragraph separation distracting and I wondered why the author had not taken care of this simple fask.
The pace was good and held my interest - I wanted to see what was going to happened. I was surprised and disappointed when the end came. The ending was a let down. An opportunity for a great and gripping finale was overlooked for some reason.
Taking all aspects of this author's brilliant storytelling ability, the lack of proper text structure. and the ending which missed the mark, I'm allowing three stars for this piece with the hope that a sincere rewrite will polish this jewel to the status it deserves.
Ciao
JT
There was hope woven into the last sentence which gave this tale credence. The characters were authentic but not enough detail to make me care about them. The story unfolded well. I wanted to know what happened to these folks.
The pace was good but the formatting is not correct - sentences end in strange places, paragraphs are not defined very well. These things cause the reader to stumble and take away from the essence of the tale.
The writing is fluent and very readable. Point of view and tense are defined.
The narrative voice is strong and distinctive. The descriptive setting is adequate. The subject matter is well defined and thought-provoking.
Observation and descriptive efforts are adequate but could be vivid and strong with a little attention to detail.
This story is a diamond in the rough and could be the glittering gem it deserves to be with a little attention to detail. Suggest reading aloud or having it read aloud. This technique brings to the forefront those areas that need attention.
I didn't like this story but it was so obvious the author is an excellent story teller, I continued to read to the end. I laughed out loud when this old lady mentioned her birth year - 1950. I was born in 1939 and I'm having the time of my life writing.
The narrator's style and tone perfectly captured the character of this story. This author's descriptive powers are excellent and added realism and authenticity to the story. The pace was very good, there were no bogged down areas. The structure, though strong, wobbled a little here and there but not enough to distract the reader.
The writing is fluent and readable. Images were clear and recognizable.
I hesitated from giving this story five stars because it lacked the joie de vivre which could easily have been included with the proper perspective of life. Risk is what life is all about and this character took risks but regretted them.
Ciao
JT