United Kingdom • 27 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Whilst it seems fairly easy to write rhyming couplets there is an art to doing it in such a way as to make the lines flow naturally so that they 'trip off the tongue' when you read them. Some of your couplets are a little forced (a fault I also suffer from!) which interrupts the flow of your poem.
However, in saying that, there is enough content to provoke thought, which is no bad thing. Well done!
I tend to like short and brisk stories such as this one, they tell you a lot without saying much.
This poem was very honest. The ending could be finished, it depends on how you look at it, either as an open ending leaving the reader to finish and fill in the blanks, or an unfinished ending. Very true poem though.
It's not a bad start, Kaleigh, although it's not a full story arc yet, or did the protagonist actually die at the end? In that case, how is she able to tell us the story?
One thing to be wary of is giving a laundry list of descriptions. It slows down the pace and actually removes tension from the narrative. Be mindful of tense changes, they make or break a story.
Keep on writing!
