United Kingdom • 26 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
This piece has some minor mistakes and it seems a little force out but it is still good. One advice is try not to use the same word too much. Like "girl" was used. You want to avoid that. Still this was an interesting beginning and I look forward to read what else you got.
Have a good afternoon
Fate🌸
I agree with Fate that it's good. It's something that you can certainly build upon. The one thing that I wished for, though, is something more finished. It feels like the beginning of something. Something good, perhaps? I, personally, like conclusions or cleverly open-ended stories that leave me with thought.
This is an awesome little vignette. What I liked about it was the level of emotions you managed to pack into short space.
Think about two things when you write short fiction like this:
* Dialogue punctuation.
* What POV are you writing from?
cool story
This is grande piece but you do have errors. My advice to you is before posting you should reread it five times and if you are not sure then just ask someone if they can look over it for you to help you catch the mistakes because you are missing some words with other errors. Do not be discouraged. You story is good. Keep on writing.
Have a good evening,
Fate🌸
Everything fit well for the topic, good use of structure.
i loved it but it did feel a little rushed but all and all i enjoyed it :-)
Honestly I don't see where Apemann is coming from. I really enjoy your work and I feel it is almost always complete. Don't take the mean comments to heart, some people just don't have a filter. Keep writing, you're fantastic :)