United States • 22 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
This poem is thought-provoking and fluid, yet sharp and full of emotion. I really liked it. However, there are many grammatical errors that stopped me from giving it a 5/5. If those were to be corrected, I would change my rating.
I liked the point of the poem and how you developed it. I feel like if you were to use more meaningful words, you'd get across the emotion that comes along with this subject, and it'd really connect more.
I liked how a lot of your lines held meaning, good use of diction. Decent poem
The idea wasn't necessarily bad, but I feel as though there wasn't enough development to really connect with the characters, and with a story like this, it's all about the feeling. I like this line: "I had to lock myself up in a world of sorrow and misery before I could return to my normal life", and I like the line that followed that showed the contrast between the innocent life and the misery. However, if it showed more contrast and was further developed, it would be better;
I liked your idea that "Life is not as complex as you may think" and I liked that line. Was a pretty good and intriguing message. I also liked your line "Don't grow old regretting your life, grow old roaming free."
Final paragraph was my favorite, good story.
I really enjoyed the beginning where you describe this world, it's creative and intriguing. I also liked how you described the wonderful sides of these humans- their amazing power and harmonious peace- as well as the dark sides- them wanting to take over. It kind of shows the light and dark that's in everyone, and I enjoyed it.
I liked the last two lines as well as "It's something of a rush knowing her soul has been bared". I like how it's a story about writing stories, and overall, it was a well use of rhymes. Some advice would be to focus on one aspect toward the middle and really dig deep to find out why it's like that- like, for example, really digging deep into why you enjoy writing and why it brings you such relief.