United Kingdom • 47 y/o • MaleReviews Given
I love micro fiction because of stories like this one. The first line sounds very differently when read a second time. :)
Keep up the writing!
This is an awesome little vignette. What I liked about it was the level of emotions you managed to pack into short space.
Think about two things when you write short fiction like this:
* Dialogue punctuation.
* What POV are you writing from?
Not friends with Robert Rankin, are you? :)
I'm always amazed when a full story can be told within 1000 words. This is a real nugget of a story. Well done!
I really enjoyed this poem and I'm usually not a poetry person.
Your prose is quite good, Kaleigh, but you don't have a story here. This is a scene from, I presume, a much larger work or a simple vignette.
Hi there,
I like how you depicted the relationship between characters. There's something there that you can work with when you revise this piece.
A lot of things in the dialogue, for example, can be cut. A good rule of thumb is that if anything said doesn't move the story or the characters forwards then it shouldn't be there. And you've got lots of chit-chat going on.
The other thing about your dialogue is its punctuation. SO many writers don't seem to understand how to punctuate dialogue and it just becomes a mess. Read up and study good dialogue closely, because I think you've got a hidden talent for it. Read a lot of books in the genre you write and you'll see what tips and tricks you can use in your own writing.
Hi Fate,
I appreciate the honest emotions you've put into the story so far.
However, it's considered cliché (and it's just bad writing) to include a character waking up and go through the morning chores i.e showering. Try and go into the actual story as quickly as you can and let those boring parts be left out. You've got a good feeling for writing. Keep it up!