lemonslice

Your prose is quite good, Kaleigh, but you don't have a story here. This is a scene from, I presume, a much larger work or a simple vignette.

Funny story. :)

Remember to write out numbers with letters instead. Especially if it's anything lower than a hundred.

Your writing has come leaps and bounds from when I read your first submissions. I still think you need to stop rushing when you write. You also need to look at dialogue punctuation. This is how it works:

"I love you," he said. <- A comma when using dialogue tag (said).
"I love you." He embraced me. <- Capital letter and period when using an action tag (embrace).

This is still a vignette and not a whole story. But it's always good practice so keep it up!

Lots of emotions and tension in so few words. Well done!

When a piece is this short, however, you need to make sure every word is pulling its weight. Currently, they don't, but it's definitely a good effort.

Hiya,

I'd say this is a character vignette or a scene, rather than a story. For the most part, it's quite good but like other here say: think about the words you use. Less is more and don't substitute clarity with flowery prose that don't really mean anything.

Having a character waking up and preparing themselves for a day is cliché and something you should avoid in your writing. Always start your story as close to the inciting incident as possible. Keep up the writing!

Nice little piece only spoilt by a scattered number of typos and grammatical errors.

A couple of dialogue punctuation errors, but otherwise a pretty funny tale. Reminiscent of Monty Python delight.

A pretty interesting prose poem, even though it's been done to death a thousand times before. Be mindful of the difference between "then" and "than".