Canada • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
While the subject matter is important, MaKaylee, this is not a story.
There are other platforms more suited for your writing if you want to post excerpts and vignettes. Disregarding the posting Guidelines is bad form.
The constant repetitive lines and the awkward and clumsy rhymes really spoil this effort. Also, the way you have presented it - in paragraphs instead of more traditional stanzas - jars the eye.
As you said, at least you tried...
I hope you will - individually - submit further works. It will be interesting to read more from you :-)
A pretty interesting prose poem, even though it's been done to death a thousand times before. Be mindful of the difference between "then" and "than".
I wish you had unpacked this prose poem more. Describe the emotions of being lost in these woods. Juxtapose it with the guy's life outside.
Be bold.
And be mindful of your spelling and grammar.
A nice effort, but take care with your spelling and grammar.
This would have also worked better as shorter paragraphs and the dialogue on separate lines. Something to bear in mind for future works... :-)
Keep up the good work!
Nice little piece only spoilt by a scattered number of typos and grammatical errors.
I agree that it's not necessarily a story, but rather something you felt you had to say, and to me, that's what writing is all about. You did a decent job at describing the feeling of anxiety. There were some conventional errors and I still feel it could have been better (as in using stronger words than "and it sucks") , but overall, it was decent. I appreciated how you mentioned that anxiety never leaves you. Thanks for sharing what you felt you had to say.
I really nice idea for a story. As others have commented, take more care with your spelling and grammar: "I seen his smile forming..." for instance. USE your computer's spell-check and thesaurus facilities. that's what they are there for.
Nice work overall, though. Well done :-)