United States • 17 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
BEN BROWN
Another excellent story. The way you described the colours at the beginning brought to mind the twelve astrological star signs. Towards the end it made me think of the light and shadow traits of ones character. Well done.
BEN BROWN
A great story. It reminds me of the Never Ending story when Bastian ends up reading the story in his school attic. I will read the rest of your stories. Well done.
creepy! i like it. it reminds me of fairytale-type things with an enchanted book :>
i do have a generally unrelated piece of advice that i found on tumblr: try not to use "was" too much. for example: instead of "it was cold," you'd write "the freezing air nipped at her exposed skin." using "was" a lot is a sign of summarizing. which is good if that's what you're going for (like showing a long amount of time passing) but odd-sounding in action :P
Just wow-
I didn't find this cringey or cheesy at all- this is actually well done, especially for your age. I enjoy how you separated the sections, steered away from just repeating the title too many times, but I especially enjoy the first two lines. Very captivating intro and heartfelt without exposing a vein. Distant but still genuine. Thanks for sharing this!
Did you say that ur not the best at poems- Lyn don't make me laugh. this is better than all my poems combined. you dont mind if i steal it- JKK
my heart- (ik what u mean, by it never happened to you, but wrote it, that's me in a couple of words, anyway moving on to what I'm writing this for-) this was really good, Lyn. All those short sentences really put this all together. The simple sentences really puts an emotional effect on the reader, your word choices were really effective and rhymed in a weird way.
PERFECTTT
*Claps* This was so sad, but yet a lovely writing, I understand everything, keep up the work, it’s wonderful!