United States • 17 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
creepy! i like it. it reminds me of fairytale-type things with an enchanted book :>
i do have a generally unrelated piece of advice that i found on tumblr: try not to use "was" too much. for example: instead of "it was cold," you'd write "the freezing air nipped at her exposed skin." using "was" a lot is a sign of summarizing. which is good if that's what you're going for (like showing a long amount of time passing) but odd-sounding in action :P
Just wow-
I thought that this was pretty good. I liked the short stanzas, and I liked the feel of it. One suggestion I would make is in regards to one particular stanza where the last word in one line is "could" and the first word in the next line is "be". I would move the word "could" to the beginning of the first line. This would make it feel like each line is more of a complete idea on its own, and it would help them match the other lines more fluidly. Other than that, good work!
my heart- (ik what u mean, by it never happened to you, but wrote it, that's me in a couple of words, anyway moving on to what I'm writing this for-) this was really good, Lyn. All those short sentences really put this all together. The simple sentences really puts an emotional effect on the reader, your word choices were really effective and rhymed in a weird way.
PERFECTTT
It's just like...so..good..like...words...cant describe it. I've read Doom Befallen,, since Part 2, and man is it gooooooooooOOoOD. KEEP WRITITNG LYN, CAUSE THIS IS RLLY GOOOOOOOOOOOD
*Claps* This was so sad, but yet a lovely writing, I understand everything, keep up the work, it’s wonderful!
I wish I could write this well :( you’re so talented
I didn't find this cringey or cheesy at all- this is actually well done, especially for your age. I enjoy how you separated the sections, steered away from just repeating the title too many times, but I especially enjoy the first two lines. Very captivating intro and heartfelt without exposing a vein. Distant but still genuine. Thanks for sharing this!