United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Although this 'story' has been approved for publication it is not rally what the site was set up for. However, as there already similar works published it would not be fair to reject your work. I must, though, make you aware that future works in a similar vein or theme will not be accepted. One further note: please read my piece 'How to Write a Teaser'. It might prove helpful to you...
I'm not really sure what to make of your poem. Not that it's bad, because it isn't. It's just..., well... ODD :-) It doesn't seem to fit any conventional poetry style, which is no bad thing either. Ah well, there's nothing wrong in being different - and this poem is certainly that!
There are many issues with your story. You have tried far too hard with it instead of sticking to the basics. All that you are left with is a mishmash of badly conceived and executed ideas. However, everybody has to start somewhere and I would hope that you will continue to write as you will improve the more you do so.
There are a lot of technical problems with your story, but the bottom line is that it is just not very good. There is no obvious plot or action or, indeed, any discernible point to it.
There is a good story here fighting to get out. Unfortunately you have burdened it with some clumsy phraseology, poor grammar and spelling. This is a story that needed some judicious editing before it was submitted for publication. Do keep writing, but take more care with the words you use and the way in which you use them. You have talent, but it needs careful honing to bring it to its full potential.
Your numerous grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors ruin this story. Please use your computer's spell check and thesaurus functions BEFORE submitting future works.
An interesting concept which has been executed quite well. I am disappointed, though, that you failed to follow our submission guidelines with regard to numerals (see point three). Overall a creditable effort. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. :-)
Mysterious and creepy. The use of so few words and the snappy delivery give this poem great impact. Great work!