Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Your lack of spell-checking spoils this interesting and creative piece of work. Remember: if YOU don't respect your own work how can you expect other's to? Overall a good piece but please take more care with future submissions...

The clear problem with your story is the solid block of text. It would have been helpful if you'd broken it into smaller, more 'manageable' paragraphs. Also, take the time to use your computer's spell-check facility as it will pick up mistakes before you submit your work.

Overall, not a bad piece of work. :-)

Take a little more care with your punctuation and spelling as it mars your story.
One point of note: it is not good practice to use numerals in prose. One should always spell the number in full i.e. 'two-thirty' for 2.30.

Short, simple, effective. Well done!

A very thoughtful few lines. Well done :-)

PLEASE take more care with your spelling. You have left spaces in certain words where a hyphen should be. Other than that, although short and slightly peculiar, this is a reasonable little effort. :-) Well done!

Your verbosity at times gets in the way of your story-telling. There are parts of this tale that are tortuous to read due to the sheer number of words you have crammed into a sentence! It is all very well demonstrating your extensive vocabulary... but when it's to the detriment of your work you have gained nothing. I urge you to just TELL YOUR STORY and keep the linguistic gymnastics to a minimum. You will be a much better writer for it.

Clumsy spelling and punctuation errors spoil this a little. However, you write well - with passion and intensity - which is to be applauded. Please take the time to double-check your work before submitting in future :-)