Andy (Formerly Apemann)

If ever there was an example of using words and phrases for effect, this is it:

"careful not to disrupt the silence"

"my mind racing with the all information the frames could be holding"

"my heart beating harshly against its cage of ribs. My stomach hurt and boiled with the effort to stay upright."

"I fell to the ground, landing with a forever sounding thump"

I'm sorry, but this sort of writing is just plain bad. You are trying far too hard to be 'clever' that you are making yourself look silly. Just write how you think and speak, not how you think you OUGHT to write. You can write - and have written - better than this wasted effort.

Another slap-dash effort full of spelling mistakes.

YET another of your 'nothing' contributions. There is nothing about this poem that says anything about anything. Add in the forced rhymes and it's probably the worst thing of your I have read.

As usual and, sadly, as I have now come to expect from your work, it's littered with grammatical and spelling errors. And, yet again, it's a nothing 'story'.

I just do not understand why you keep writing essentially the same thing over and over again. Not one of your stories is a story in the truest sense of the word. A REAL story has a beginning, a middle and end. Yours don't.

It seems to me you sit in front of your computer and write pretty much anything that comes into your head, whether it makes an iota of sense or not. What is blatantly clear is that you put very little thought or effort into what you submit, given that you make the same mistakes time after time. What's also clear is that you lap up all the praise and ignore the helpful advice given to you. That is to your eternal detriment. You will NEVER improve your writing if you carry on the way you are.

You have the capacity to be a good writer. Unfortunately your innate laziness will ensure that you remain strictly mediocre.

Another disjointed, mishmash of a story. Your poor spelling and inappropriate use of certain words ruin much of your work and this is a prime example. This is just not a very good piece of writing.

Your change of name has, regrettably, not led to a change of standard. As (what has become) usual, your story has spelling and grammar inaccuracies as well as being too short to make any sort of sense or impact.

I just do not understand why you will not take - and act on - the advice you are given. You have some really good story ideas, but you are so slapdash when you write that you spoil them completely. You do not do yourself justice by submitting such sub-standard work when it is clear you are capable of much better IF you put in the effort...

Too big a subject crammed into too few words makes this all rather nonsensical. The idea sounded fun, but you have failed to deliver I'm afraid.

There are also numerous problems with the layout of your story. I suggest that you revisit the Submission Guidelines and take them on board...

???

Really? I can make no sense of these few lines at all. Am I missing something?

Very strange... :-)