Andy (Formerly Apemann)

It always a difficult ask to comment on someone else's religion-themed work. Leaving the theme aside, though, and concentrating on the form of your work is much easier! You have a slightly (if you'll excuse the unintentional pun) 'preachy' way of writing that is slightly off-putting. Whilst I appreciate your good intentions with you poem it left me irritated rather than pleased. I fear that other may also feel the same way, especially non-believers.

One of the Golden Rules of writing poetry is that if you have to 'force' a rhyme, then it's not going to work. there are one or two examples in this poem whereby that yardstick is clearly in evidence. Which is a pity, as the poem - overall - is quite good.

Please also remember to NOT use slang or colloquialisms in your work. YOU might know what you mean, but others may not, especially international (or non-English speaking) readers.

As a stand-alone poem this works very well. Regrettably I don't know the work 'Pledge' so cannot relate your poem to it. Chances are that I am not the only person who reads your poem who will have the same problem. It is one of the drawbacks when tying-in your work with something that YOU are familiar with. However, in saying all that, the poem has power and impact, which is to your credit.

A simple message well presented. Good for you :-)

A little confused - and confusing - as you seem to be trying to incorporate too many ideas and themes into one poem. I get the gist of the poem, but the result is unsatisfying.

On the plus side; there is a spark of a storyteller in you that, with care and nurturing, could become a good one :-)

Sincere words from the heart, I'm sure. A little too 'saccharine-sweet' for my taste, though...

I like the upbeat and positive message your short poem offers. Nice work :-)

Trying to cram such a large subject into so few words leaves glaring gaps in your narrative. What we are left with is a hors d'oeuvre instead of a banquet.

Allowing for the fact that English is not your first language, some of the phraseology is stilted and clumsy. Try to write in a more natural voice rather than one that does not sit well with you. You will find it much easier - and you'll ,learn a lot more, too :-)

Do keep writing.