United States • 21 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
Very short and choppy sentences that can be turned into fuller sentences. For example:
Sarah is dead. It's been 10 days since Sarah died. I still can't believe she's gone.
My version: It has been ten days since Sarah died. I still cannot believe she is gone.
See how much smoother my version is? Interesting plot, however your grammar needs improvement.
It would be an interesting story if it wasn't for the poor grammar and punctuation. I stopped reading it for this reason. You have a thing for writing, just read your story before submitting.
Overall, nice story but there were a few mistakes like:
"I have you know.." instead of:
"I'll have you know.."
Just make sure you read over your stories before submitting them so you can check over these few mistakes.
I agree with lemonslice. You shouldn't start a story without knowing who is speaking.
Beyond that, I enjoyed the story, keep up the good work!
Nice! Reminds me of an X Files episode, but different, nonetheless. I was worried it would be the same, but it wasn't, so I like your originality.
I enjoy this story because of how smooth the words flow together. Great job!
I for one enjoy this story greatly! It is heartwarming, yet sad. Great job!
I love this beautiful short story because there's not many like it. Overall, good job, but it had a few mistakes such as:
'Just than, I woke up.'
Instead it should've been;
"Just then, I woke up."
Just be sure to check it through before submitting, but nice job!