United States • 20 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
This is a great story! Although, it would be better if there were chapters. It seems like there should be more. Like, how her parents died, for example, and about her Aunt. There were a few grammar mistakes that can be easily fixed.
Other than that, I enjoyed this short story. Good job!
Wow! This is one of the rare times that a story had left me begging for more! Please continue, I love this!
-Auron
Wow! This is great, I love this a lot! Write more poems, you have he talent in you.
-Auron
Very short and choppy sentences that can be turned into fuller sentences. For example:
Sarah is dead. It's been 10 days since Sarah died. I still can't believe she's gone.
My version: It has been ten days since Sarah died. I still cannot believe she is gone.
See how much smoother my version is? Interesting plot, however your grammar needs improvement.
Overall, nice story but there were a few mistakes like:
"I have you know.." instead of:
"I'll have you know.."
Just make sure you read over your stories before submitting them so you can check over these few mistakes.
I love this beautiful short story because there's not many like it. Overall, good job, but it had a few mistakes such as:
'Just than, I woke up.'
Instead it should've been;
"Just then, I woke up."
Just be sure to check it through before submitting, but nice job!
I agree with lemonslice. You shouldn't start a story without knowing who is speaking.
Beyond that, I enjoyed the story, keep up the good work!
What a beautiful poem! I enjoyed the use of the capitalized 'She' as kiraafinifrock had stated. It makes it seem like the person you are speaking of is very important in your life. It makes the poem more touching and sincere. Great job!