United States • 20 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Awww....
That was soo cute and sweet!!
I loved it!
XOXO,
Sansid
Agreed IanG.... she is definitely making suspense.... I like when u mentioned that he wasn't a human...
I started thinking about it and I think that he should I guess be a spirit of her mom who has changed her appearance but then...
Xoxo,
Sansid
The opening was really cool... it actually draw my attention. I love the story and there meeting and stuff. I feel that u should write in more description that will make it more interesting and it will definitely draws more attention.
It creates a scene in the reader's mind.
Yes, I agree with @IanG... punctuation was an issue and there were some spelling mistakes also.
Overall, I have to say, you are great, dude! Keep it up!
XOXO,
Sansid
I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.
As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.
I like this but I wishing for a happy ending.
It is gr8... I love it
Although it was short, but really sweet... you comfort him dude!
Write more!
XOXO,
Sansid
