United States • 29 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Really enjoyed reading the first chapter of your story :)
The story itself was good, and cute. I noticed a few errors in the story though, which can be easily fixed. Very cute little story!
I like the idea and concept behind this work. Clearly this is something you put a great deal of thought into. Lovely!
Good job, i love how you showed insomnia materializing because sometimes that really is how it feels. I did end up kind of wondering what the real Leonard said though?
Sounds great! I love how you made it questionable who was the monster and it left the reader wondering how the monsters lost their sister. Great job and a good show of imagination!
-KP
Very real. As someone whose familiar with this, I appreciate how you expressed that the person was tricked rather than too caught up in something else, as many stories on this topic often do. Your structure, elongated with the sweet parts and short with the dark parts, expresses many different things in itself. Nice job
Good atmosphere, enough suspense and tension to keep the reader hooked into the story. All-in-all a creditable beginning to your story :-)
Hi Fate,
I appreciate the honest emotions you've put into the story so far.
However, it's considered cliché (and it's just bad writing) to include a character waking up and go through the morning chores i.e showering. Try and go into the actual story as quickly as you can and let those boring parts be left out. You've got a good feeling for writing. Keep it up!