IanG

You are right in saying that problems don't end when the war is won. A lot of fantasy stories are based on that assumption, but it seldom works like that in real life.

Eden goes from being overpowered to killing everyone rather quickly. If he's trying to fight his way to your narrator but it takes him time to reach her, that's more consistent.

I like your description of the door, and the idea of currents in a room is interesting. You should've had a capital S at the start of Spanish, but overall this is good.

Interesting point. Some names seem to fit children or adolescents better than adults, for instance Tommy can become Tom. Some people acquire several names or nicknames and each serves a different purpose. Some authors use a pen name and different writers choose for different reasons. Karen (Out of Africa) Blixen was nicknamed Tanne by her family but changed it to Tania as it sounded more sophisticated. I'm content with my name but its short and difficult to turn into something else.

You set the scene well. I can visualise the little boy lying in bed.

I hope this doesn't seem patronising but there's still time for you to find someone, still time for new experiences including a passion you never felt before. In the past, people sometimes rushed into marriage young because the average lifespan was shorter then than now. Today the average person has more time to wait, and to look around before settling down. Don't let anyone pressure you into a commitment if you're not sure.

Your generation is not the first to go through this, but that proves that its possible to get through problems and come out the other side. When I was a teenager there were moral panics over punk rock, racial tensions and changing gender roles. Perhaps some adults forget this. That said, things arn't exactly the same now. Climate change and Covid-19 were not big issues then. I hope you and your generation come out of this wiser and stronger, but with your spirit intact.

You should've used capital letters for God and you forgot it for Snow the first time you mentioned her. That said, its an interesting subject for animal lovers and nature lovers. Keep practising and you'll improve.

You evoke the battle and your narrator's plight afterwards very well. I guessed the ending before the boy and Jake met up again, yet it still moved me. Well done.