United Kingdom • 26 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
I think you have an interesting concept here, but it seems like you just started drafting and didn't try to create a whole narrative. Don't be afraid to continue building on it. Your instinct to withhold information is good, especially in flash story format. But you've withheld too much. We can only guess what is happening in the second part.
SOOOO GOOD! WRITE MORE!! I'm loving this!
Wish it was a real episode or movie
There's a little bit of grammar errors, and a little bit more backstory about the friend would be nice in my opinion, but overall decent story!
Everything fit well for the topic, good use of structure.
Good description of feelings. Keep it up but improve grammar
great job
The review by Andy is harsh. There's no need to be that hostile when you review somebody's work. He's old enough to know better. You've taken the trouble to put your thoughts and feelings down in writing and that should be respected.
We should keep in mind the age of a writer when we review. An 18 year-old is pretty young (though might not feel it!) and will still be developing a literary style. They shouldn't be judged by standards that apply to mature writers.
In terms of the poem's length: shorter is better. It makes the sentiments more intense. I wonder if you read much poetry? Read some good poetry, and see how the language is compressed, how strong images are used.
Enjoy your writing!
Gahhh yes!!