very interesting and realistic story
I'm giving this five stars because of the heart you put in it. Just the tip of the iceberg of so much policing and oppression against women in this culture. You are worth more than all of it. Thanks for sharing these truths.
I like the repetition you did with the beginning and the end. There were some grammatical errors, such as "..we were told we were pretty but men we didn't know" should by "by men" instead. My favorite lines are "we have been silenced to our opinions" and "we have been told that what we say is wrong." Such a strong and bold piece.
This sounds a lot like the terrifying book Revelation. I like how you started the poem how you did, with sin breeding in the mind and taking over all. So true. The whole word play on reign and rain is cool here too. Definitely will be a scary time. But hey, we know the ending that Jesus wins. I also like these lines: "Danger it lives, freedom it dies/ rewriting rules of humanity." The entire push-and-pull of evil and good here is a cool topic. Our world is such a wild place.
my mom left when I was ten years old, too. we didn't talk for seven years and when we finally did there were a lot of mixed and confusing emotions. I vividly remember how hard those times were. my heart goes out to you. I'm nineteen now, and I'm here to tell you it gets better. that your story becomes your motivation to get up every day and make someone else's story a little brighter. that your worth is not defined by the actions or belief of others, but by the God who created and loves every piece of you and that He is with you and me in every heartache, whether we feel it or not. thanks for sharing the main events of your life with us.
very genuine and reflective, thanks for sharing this. I like how you tied the standards you have for love with everyone to the love you received/ didn't receive with your parents, that's really discerning of you- a lot of people don't connect the two when they truly are so connected. Just a couple things are the grammar, so for example "My standers for people dyed" should be "my standards for people died" and so forth. I can tell the piece came from your heart so thanks for that. Just know, you're allowed to feel anger and your anger is valid.
It's really hard to feel like you're not seen. I'm sorry you have to experience those deeply painful emotions.
Your worth isn't defined by the opinions of others, and I know how hard that is to grasp when it's your own mother, but try to take heart. There's always light.
Pretty good writing for the topic and audience. I would suggest adding more details and digging deeper into pulling those out of yourself and onto paper, but deeply personal ones like this are always more about what you think of them- just a little suggestion.
Truly so many untold stories inside of this beautiful earth. I really like the delicate beauty of Aurora borealis described as a scar demanding to be seen, as a wild spirit burning across the sky. Really good subtlety here. I also liked the stanza about blood and how the darkness of things can cause a fire in us.
also, I looked up Haŋhépi Ižáŋžaŋ and all I found was a recipe for pudding (not sure how that correlated) but I like how it's unknown to me. It adds to the mystery of earths' treasures painted in the poem.
I appreciate the honesty in this. it reminds me of how we block out memories to cope with trauma and the despair that comes through shame, fear, and anger. The desire to not have an identity in an attempt to reclaim this can be so strong.
The creativity in how you gradually went through the process of not existing is really cool here too. You started with the messages through family and told a story within each of the four line stanzas. I really liked that.
Our worth isn't in our productivity and we aren't defined by the toxic messages of our past-- just a friendly reminder.
Hope all is well.